Short answer
Be a real friend, whether or not your friend ever becomes Muslim. Start with what you share: honouring parents, family, learning and keeping one's word. Then ask what your friend believes comes after death, and listen. Say what Islam teaches honestly and gently (16:125). Never mock a temple, its gods or anyone's ancestors (6:108). If your friend asks whether you are trying to convert them, say no: only God (﷾) guides hearts (28:56). You are making them aware of Islam in a friendly discussion, not a debate, and the choice is theirs (2:256). If they say no, end as Muslims are taught: "To you be your Way, and to me mine" (109:6). Then keep the friendship. Be honest about ancestors. A Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness for those who died outside Islam (9:113). That rule is for his own prayers, not a verdict on anyone. Each person's fate is God's (﷾) alone to judge (17:15; 4:40). Keep the talk away from politics. Leave out weak stories, such as "seek knowledge even unto China". Then read the pages written for Chinese readers together, and let the Qur'an speak for itself.
Full explanation
Start from what your friend values
This guide is for talking with Chinese friends who are not Muslim, whatever they believe. Your friend may have grown up putting parents, family, learning and keeping one's word first. Islam commands these duties too, from God (﷾). The Qur'an puts kindness to parents beside the worship of God (﷾). Islam honours learning: the Prophet (ﷺ) said that whoever follows a path in search of knowledge, God (﷾) makes easy for him a path to Paradise. The Qur'an tells believers to keep every promise. Say so sincerely, because it is true. Then be honest about where Islam differs: all worship belongs to God (﷾) alone, and this life ends in a Judgement.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."”
Abu Hurayra reports a longer saying of the Prophet (ﷺ) about good deeds and their reward. Among them: whoever follows a path in search of knowledge, Allah makes easy for him a path to Paradise; and when people gather in a mosque to recite the Qur'an and study it together, tranquillity descends on them, mercy covers them and the angels surround them. It ends: whoever is held back by his deeds will not be hurried forward by his lineage.
“Come not nigh to the orphan's property except to improve it, until he attains the age of full strength; and fulfil (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).”
Be a true friend first
Be a real friend, whether or not your friend ever becomes Muslim. Never befriend someone only to convert them. The Qur'an allows Muslims to deal kindly and justly with those who do not fight them over faith. It also commands justice to everyone, even towards people who hate them (5:8). Guidance is God's (﷾) to give, not yours. The Qur'an tells the Prophet (ﷺ), "thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest". Your part is to speak clearly and kindly, and to stay a friend whatever the answer.
“Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah loveth those who are just.”
“It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance.”
“Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.”
“O ye who believe! stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.”
Ask about death, and listen
Ask your friend what they think happens after death, and listen before you answer. Some will speak of the ancestors, some of rebirth, and some will say no one can know. When a disciple asked Confucius about death, he turned the question back to this life. The Qur'an speaks of it plainly. Every soul will taste death, and the full reward comes on the Day of Judgment. God (﷾) created death and life to test who is best in deed.
“Chi Lu asked about serving the spirits of the dead. The Master said, 'While you are not able to serve men, how can you serve their spirits?' Chi Lu added, 'I venture to ask about death?' He was answered, 'While you do not know life, how can you know about death?'”
“Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have attained the object (of Life): For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception.”
“He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving;-”
Gentle words and real questions
The Qur'an tells Muslims to invite with wisdom and beautiful preaching, and to argue in the best way. It forbids them to revile what others call on besides God (﷾). The Prophet (ﷺ) told Aisha to be gentle, for God (﷾) loves gentleness in every matter. He said he was not sent to curse, but as a mercy. So never mock a temple, a temple god or anyone's ancestors. Never mock an image of Guanyin, the Buddhist figure of mercy, or of Mazu, the goddess of the sea. Do not use words that belittle anyone's customs. Say plainly and kindly what Islam teaches, and why. Ask questions too: "Who made the world?" "Who hears a prayer?" "What happens after death?" Take one point at a time, and stop when your friend has had enough.
“Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.”
“Revile not ye those whom they call upon besides Allah, lest they out of spite revile Allah in their ignorance. Thus have We made alluring to each people its own doings. In the end will they return to their Lord, and We shall then tell them the truth of all that they did.”
Aisha reports that some Jews greeted the Prophet (ﷺ) with "death be upon you", and she cursed them in return. He told her to be gentle, for Allah loves gentleness in every matter. When she asked whether he had not heard what they said, he replied that he had answered them only with "and upon you".
Abu Hurayra reports that someone asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) to curse the polytheists. He answered that he had not been sent as one who curses, but as a mercy.
Ancestors: be honest
Your friend will ask about parents and grandparents who were not Muslim. Never promise, "You can pray for your grandparents' forgiveness." Give the answer the Qur'an gives. It speaks of those who joined others with God (﷾) in worship, even close family. It says it is not fitting for the Prophet (ﷺ) and the believers to pray for their forgiveness. The verse adds a condition: "after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire". So a Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness for a relative who died outside Islam. That is a rule for his own prayers. It is not a verdict on the person. God (﷾) sends no wrath "until We had sent a messenger", and "Allah is never unjust in the least degree". No Muslim may declare any particular person's fate. That belongs to God (﷾). Then tell your friend the hopeful part. A person's deeds end at death, except lasting charity, useful knowledge and a righteous child who prays for him. If your friend becomes Muslim, that chain begins with them. Their own children's prayers, and their own lasting charity, can reach them after they die.
“It is not fitting, for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for Pagans, even though they be of kin, after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire.”
“Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss: No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another: nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent a messenger (to give warning).”
“Allah is never unjust in the least degree: If there is any good (done), He doubleth it, and giveth from His own presence a great reward.”
Abu Huraira reports that the Prophet (ﷺ) said that when a person dies, his deeds come to an end except three: lasting charity, knowledge that people benefit from, and a righteous child who prays for him.
Kindness to parents stays
Tell your friend that Islam does not ask anyone to turn away from their family. The Qur'an says that if parents urge a child to worship others besides God (﷾), he should not obey them in that. Yet he must still "bear them company in this life with justice". Among the finest acts of goodness is to keep ties with the people your father loved, after he has gone. A Muslim honours his parents by kindness while they live, and by keeping their ties afterwards.
“"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."”
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."”
Abdullah ibn Umar gave his donkey and his turban to a desert Arab whose father had been a friend of Umar. He explained that he had heard the Prophet (ﷺ) say that among the finest acts of goodness is for a man to keep ties with the people his father loved, after his father has gone.
If politics comes up
A friend may raise the news, or things happening today. Do not turn the talk into politics. This holds for the politics of any country, your own included. Winning an argument about governments is not your aim. What you hope to talk about is God, who made us, and the life after death. Listen kindly, say honestly that you would rather talk about faith, and return to those questions. The Prophet (ﷺ) was told to say: "This is my way: I do invite unto Allah".
“Say thou: "This is my way: I do invite unto Allah,- on evidence clear as the seeing with one's eyes,- I and whoever follows me. Glory to Allah! and never will I join gods with Allah!"”
“Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.”
What not to use
Some well-known lines are weak or untrue. Leave them out, because a Muslim says only what he knows to be true (17:36). "Seek knowledge even unto China" is not in Bukhari or Muslim. Hadith scholars such as Ibn Hibban and Ibn al-Jawzi rejected it. A tradition says Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas brought Islam to China and lies buried in Guangzhou. Historians doubt it. Sahih Muslim reports that when Sa'd died, his bier was brought into the Prophet's (ﷺ) mosque in Medina for prayer. Do not tell as history the legend that the Tang emperor Taizong dreamt of a turbaned man and sent for Muslims. The Tang history itself dates the first Arab envoys to 651. Do not say that Confucius or Laozi was a prophet: no one may claim what he does not know. Shangdi is the "Lord on high" of the oldest Chinese books. Do not say "Shangdi is Allah", or argue from a Chinese word. The Tao is the Way of the Tao Te Ching. Do not say Islam completes Confucius's teaching or the Tao, or is their true form. Lead with Islam's own answer. And do not offer any famous Muslim's life as proof. The proof is the Qur'an and the Prophet (ﷺ), not what any follower did.
Examines the saying "seek knowledge even if it be in China". It reports al-Bayhaqi (Shu'ab al-Iman) calling its chain weak, Ibn Hibban (al-Majruhin) calling it baseless, and Ibn al-Jawzi (al-Mawdu'at) judging it fabricated. It notes that al-Suyuti thought its many routes might make it hasan, but concludes that it is very weak.
Says a long Hui Muslim tradition credits Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, a relative of the Prophet (ﷺ), with bringing Islam to China. It says many find the story hard to believe as history, though Sa'd is still linked with two sites in Guangzhou: the Huaisheng Mosque and a tomb where he is said to be buried.
Aisha reports that when Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas died, the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asked for his bier to be brought into the mosque so that they could pray over him. It was set down before their apartments, they prayed over him, and it was taken out by the gate called Bab al-Jana'iz.
The Old Book of Tang, the official history of the Tang dynasty, has an entry on the Dashi, the Chinese name for the Arabs. It records that in the second year of the Yonghui reign (651) they first sent envoys to the Tang court. The entry also repeats travellers' tales about the Arabs' land; only the embassy date is used here. The same entry says that the future emperor Daizong, as commander, used troops from the Dashi country to recover the two capitals (757). The same chapter's entry on Persia (Bosi) records that in 758 the Persians and the Dashi raided Guangzhou, plundered its storehouses, burned houses and left by sea.
“And pursue not that of which thou hast no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).”
How Chinese Muslim scholars explained Islam
From the 1600s, Muslim scholars in China wrote about Islam in classical Chinese. Among them were Wang Daiyu, Ma Zhu and Liu Zhi. Their Chinese books on Islam are called the Han Kitab. They used words from Chinese learning to set out Islam's beliefs, and Liu Zhi wrote a book on Islam's ritual law. Wang Daiyu held to the basic truths of Islam. He wrote in the language of Neo-Confucian thought, the Confucian philosophy of scholars such as Zhu Xi. He used that language to criticise some of the Neo-Confucians' own basic ideas, and to defend Islam. The lesson for you: use plain words your friend understands. But never say that Shangdi, Tian (Heaven) or the Tao is God; explain what the Qur'an says God (﷾) is. The page "Are li and qi behind everything?" sets out Ma Zhu's case. Li and qi there mean principle and material force.
Lipman describes the Han Kitab, the Chinese-language books on Islam written by Chinese Muslim scholars. Wang Daiyu of Nanjing published the Zhengjiao zhenquan in 1642, the earliest such work that survives. Lipman says Wang held to the basic truths of Islam and argued for its belief and practice, but wrote in the vocabulary of the Neo-Confucian school of the Cheng brothers and Zhu Xi; his first chapters are on the unity of God and on creation. Wang used that whole philosophical language to criticise some of its basic ideas and to defend Islam. Ma Zhu's Qingzhen zhinan (Compass of Islam) and the books of Liu Zhi, the most famous of these writers, followed. Liu Zhi also wrote on the five pillars of Islam.
Studies Liu Zhi (c. 1660-c. 1730), one of the most important Chinese Muslim scholars of the Qing period. It says a network of Chinese Muslim scholars wrote about Islam in classical Chinese, and that their books are known as the Han Kitab. It studies Liu Zhi's writings, among them his Tianfang dianli (Ritual law of Islam). It says Islam first came to China over 1,200 years ago, but for more than a thousand years it was seen there as a foreign presence.
Pages to read together
This site has pages written for Chinese readers. Share the one that fits your friend. A friend who lives by Confucius's teaching can start with "I follow Confucius's teaching: why consider Islam?" Then try "Did Confucius tell us what comes after death?" and "Filial piety: does Islam honour parents too?" For a Taoist friend: "I'm Taoist: why consider Islam?", "Is the Tao the same as God?" and "Is the Tao Te Ching from God?" For a friend who keeps the family altar and visits the temple: "How should we honour our ancestors?" and "Who answers prayers at the temple?" For a Buddhist friend, or one who prays to Guanyin, two pages fit. Read "I'm a Buddhist: why should I consider Islam?" and "Should anyone pray to the Buddha or a bodhisattva?" For a Christian friend: "What do Islam and Christianity have in common?" and "Is Jesus God?" With Christians, the Qur'an says to discuss only in the best way, and to say, "Our Allah and your Allah is one". For a friend with no religion: "I'm Chinese and have no religion: why consider Islam?" and "Is being a good person enough?" A friend who fears losing their culture can read "If I become Muslim, do I lose my Chinese culture?" Two pages suit everyone: "Did ancient China know one God?" and "How did Islam come to China?"
“And dispute ye not with the People of the Book, except with means better (than mere disputation), unless it be with those of them who inflict wrong (and injury): but say, "We believe in the revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you; Our Allah and your Allah is one; and it is to Him we bow (in Islam)."”
Islam's answer, and your part
In the end, invite your friend to Islam itself. Islam is a complete way of life (deen): belief, worship, law, family and character together. The page "What is Islam?" shows it in one place. The Qur'an asks to be tested: produce a chapter like it. It says the Prophet (ﷺ) was sent to all people, and calls him the Seal of the Prophets, the last of them. Your part is to speak clearly and kindly. There is no compulsion in religion, so the choice is your friend's. Who is better in speech than one who calls to God (﷾) and does good? Inviting is your part; guiding a heart is God's (﷾) alone. That is why, if your friend asks whether you are trying to convert them, the honest answer is no.
“This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.”
“O ye who believe! Enter into Islam whole-heartedly; and follow not the footsteps of the evil one; for he is to you an avowed enemy.”
“And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (If there are any) besides Allah, if your (doubts) are true.”
“Say: "O men! I am sent unto you all, as the Messenger of Allah, to Whom belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth: there is no god but He: it is He That giveth both life and death. So believe in Allah and His Messenger, the Unlettered Prophet, who believeth in Allah and His words: follow him that (so) ye may be guided."”
“Muhammad is not the father of any of your men, but (he is) the Messenger of Allah, and the Seal of the Prophets: and Allah has full knowledge of all things.”
“Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.”
“Who is better in speech than one who calls (men) to Allah, works righteousness, and says, "I am of those who bow in Islam"?”
“It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance.”
What your friend may say
Qur'an 9:113 — Surat al-Tawba (The Repentance), verse 113
“It is not fitting, for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for Pagans, even though they be of kin, after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire.”
Cited for
So your religion says my grandparents are in hell.
The response
For those who died outside Islam, a Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness (9:113). That is a rule for his own prayers. It is not a verdict on your grandparents. The verse gives its condition: "after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire". The Qur'an also says God (﷾) sends no wrath "until We had sent a messenger" (17:15). He is "never unjust in the least degree" (4:40). No Muslim may declare any person's fate. That belongs to God (﷾).
Where it lands — Islam states its rule for prayer openly, and leaves each person's fate to a God who wrongs no one.
Qur'an 17:15 — Surat al-Isra (The Night Journey), verse 15
“Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss: No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another: nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent a messenger (to give warning).”
Cited for
If my grandparents may be safe because no one told them, why are you telling me?
The response
We do not say they are safe or lost; that is for God (﷾), who knows what reached each person. But the message is now reaching you. The same verse says: "Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss". I tell you because I believe it is true, and I want that good for you.
Where it lands — The message is a gift to whoever it reaches, and a choice for whoever hears it; God (﷾) judges each person justly.
Qur'an 2:256 — Surat al-Baqara (The Cow), verse 256
“Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.”
Cited for
Are you trying to convert me?
The response
No. I am making you aware of Islam, and we are just having a friendly discussion, not a debate. I cannot make anyone believe. The Qur'an tells even the Prophet (ﷺ) that he cannot guide everyone he loves, but God (﷾) guides whom He wills. It also says, "Let there be no compulsion in religion". So the choice is yours. Read, think and decide for yourself. If you decide Islam is not for you, I will say what the Qur'an teaches: "To you be your Way, and to me mine." Whatever you decide, I am still your friend.
Where it lands — The Muslim shares Islam in a friendly discussion and presses no one. The choice is the friend's, and if it is no, the friendship goes on.
Qur'an 6:108 — Surat al-An'am (The Cattle), verse 108
“Revile not ye those whom they call upon besides Allah, lest they out of spite revile Allah in their ignorance. Thus have We made alluring to each people its own doings. In the end will they return to their Lord, and We shall then tell them the truth of all that they did.”
Cited for
You think our temple gods are nothing.
The response
I will not mock them; the Qur'an forbids Muslims to revile what others call on. But it also says that those called on besides God (﷾) "have not the least power". So I pray to God (﷾) alone, and I invite you to do the same.
Where it lands — Respect for the person and a clear answer about worship go together.
Qur'an 7:158 — Surat al-A'raf (The Heights), verse 158
“Say: "O men! I am sent unto you all, as the Messenger of Allah, to Whom belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth: there is no god but He: it is He That giveth both life and death. So believe in Allah and His Messenger, the Unlettered Prophet, who believeth in Allah and His words: follow him that (so) ye may be guided."”
Cited for
Islam is the Arabs' religion. I am Chinese.
The response
The Qur'an says the Prophet (ﷺ) was sent to all people: "O men! I am sent unto you all". God (﷾) made nations and tribes "that ye may know each other". The Hui are Chinese-speaking Muslims.
Where it lands — The message was always for every people, Chinese included.
Perspectives
What a friend may say: family and tradition
Some friends see religion through the family: the ancestors, the parents and the customs that hold them together.
Leaving the family rites would dishonour my parents and my ancestors.
Rebuttal
Islam commands kindness to parents even when they are not Muslim (31:15). A Muslim honours them by care while they live, and by keeping their ties after they have gone. What changes is worship, which goes to God (﷾) alone (17:23).
Islam says my grandparents are in hell.
Rebuttal
A Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness for those who died outside Islam (9:113). That rule is for his own prayers, not a verdict on anyone. God (﷾) punishes no one until a messenger has come to warn them (17:15), and He wrongs no one (4:40). Each person's fate is His alone to judge.
Islam is a foreign religion, for Arabs and not for Chinese.
Rebuttal
The Qur'an says the Prophet (ﷺ) was sent to all people (7:158). God (﷾) made nations and tribes so that they may know each other (49:13). The Hui are Chinese-speaking Muslims.
What a friend may say: Confucius kept to this life
A friend who lives by Confucius's teaching may say that duties to people come first. Spirits and death, he may say, are best left alone.
Wisdom is to do one's duties to people and, while respecting spiritual beings, to keep aloof from them.
Rebuttal
In Islam, no spirit is to be served at all: all worship goes to God (﷾) alone (4:36). But keeping aloof leaves the biggest question open. If the Maker has spoken about death, His word should be tested, and the Qur'an asks to be tested (2:23).
While we do not yet understand life, we cannot know about death, so attend to this life first.
Rebuttal
Confucius put life first, but he did not say death has no answer. If God (﷾) has spoken about it, His word can be tested (2:23). The Qur'an says He created death and life to test who is best in deed (67:2).
The Islamic perspective
Invite with wisdom and gentleness, honestly and one point at a time. Leave each person's fate to God (﷾), and leave the choice to your friend.
Muslims are told to invite with wisdom and beautiful preaching. They are told not to revile what others call on besides God (﷾).
God (﷾) loves gentleness in every matter, and the Prophet (ﷺ) was sent as a mercy, not to curse.
A Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness for those who died outside Islam (9:113). No one is punished before a messenger reaches them (17:15), and no Muslim may declare any particular person's fate.
Only what is authentic is used: no one may claim what he does not know.
There is no compulsion in religion; the Muslim conveys, and the choice is the listener's.