Short answer
Yes. The Qur'an puts kindness to parents beside the worship of God (﷾). It says: "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents" (17:23). Confucius (Kongzi) also taught that filial piety (xiao, a child's love and respect for parents) needs reverence. He taught that a child may gently object when a parent is wrong. Islam agrees that no one is obeyed in a wrong against God (﷾). The gravest wrong is to join others with Him. A child must not obey parents in that, yet he must still keep them company kindly (31:15). Islam gives prayer to God (﷾) for believing parents in place of sacrifice to them. A Muslim does not ask forgiveness for those who died outside Islam (9:113). Yet he declares no one's fate. God (﷾) punishes no one until a messenger has come (17:15), and He is never unjust (4:40).
Full explanation
What filial piety means in the Confucian books
Filial piety (xiao) is a child's love, respect and care for his parents. The Classic of Filial Piety (Xiaojing; Legge writes Hsiao King) calls it the root of virtue. In the Analects (Lunyu), Confucius says that support alone is not enough. Even dogs and horses can give some kind of support. Without reverence, he asks, what is the difference? This is the common ground, and it is real.
“filial piety is the root of (all) virtue”
“The filial piety of now-a-days means the support of one's parents. But dogs and horses likewise are able to do something in the way of support;-- without reverence, what is there to distinguish the one support given from the other?”
What the Qur'an commands
The Qur'an joins the duty to parents to the worship of God (﷾) in one sentence. It forbids even a word of contempt to a parent in old age. It tells the child to speak with honour, to be humble, and to pray for his parents. It also tells man to show gratitude to God (﷾) and to his parents. So Islam also asks for reverence, and not only for support.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."”
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”
What the Prophet (ﷺ) taught
A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) who most deserved his good company. The Prophet (ﷺ) named the mother three times, and then the father. Asked which deed Allah (﷾) loves most after prayer at its proper time, he named being good and dutiful to one's parents.
Abu Huraira reports that a man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) who most deserves his good company. The Prophet said: your mother. The man asked three more times who came next, and the answer was your mother, then your mother, and then your father.
Abdullah ibn Mas'ud asked the Prophet (ﷺ) which deed Allah loves most. He said: the prayer offered at its proper time. Asked what comes next, he said: being good and dutiful to one's parents.
When a parent is wrong: the Confucian books
The Confucian books do not ask a child to obey a parent in everything. In the Analects, a son may object, but gently. If his parents do not listen, he shows more reverence and keeps his aim. If they punish him, he does not complain. The Classic of Filial Piety goes further. Where a father does wrong, it says, a son must object. How then can simple obedience count as filial piety? So both traditions let a child object to a wrong.
“In serving his parents, a son may remonstrate with them, but gently; when he sees that they do not incline to follow his advice, he shows an increased degree of reverence, but does not abandon his purpose; and should they punish him, he does not allow himself to murmur.”
“Therefore when a case of unrighteous conduct is concerned, a son must by no means keep from remonstrating with his father, nor a minister from remonstrating with his ruler. Hence, since remonstrance is required in the case of unrighteous conduct, how can (simple) obedience to the orders of a father be accounted filial piety?”
Where Islam draws the line
The Prophet (ﷺ) said there is no obedience in wrongdoing: obedience is only in what is good. So no one, not even a parent, is obeyed in a wrong against God (﷾). The Qur'an names the gravest case. If parents press a child to join others with God (﷾) in worship, the child must not obey. In the same verse, he must still keep them company in this life with justice and consideration. His kindness continues. The Prophet (ﷺ) told Asma to keep good relations with her mother, who was not a Muslim.
Ali reports that a commander appointed by the Prophet (ﷺ) lit a fire and ordered his men to enter it. When the Prophet heard, he said that had they entered it they would have stayed in it until the Day of Resurrection, and that there is no obedience in wrongdoing: obedience is only in what is good. Sahih Muslim 1840 has the same report.
“"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."”
“We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.”
Asma, daughter of Abu Bakr, reports that her mother, who was still a polytheist (mushrika), came to visit her in the Prophet's (ﷺ) lifetime, hoping for her daughter's kindness. Asma asked the Prophet (ﷺ) whether she should keep good relations with her mother. He said yes: keep good relations with your mother.
The rites for dead parents
For Confucius, filial piety did not end at death. In the Analects he says that parents should be served, buried and sacrificed to "according to propriety". Propriety (li) here means the rites. This is where Islam differs.
“That parents, when alive, be served according to propriety; that, when dead, they should be buried according to propriety; and that they should be sacrificed to according to propriety.”
What Islam gives in place of sacrifice
Islam turns all worship to God (﷾) alone. It offers no sacrifice to parents, and it asks the believer to invoke no one along with God (﷾). A child's love for his parents continues in another way. He prays to God (﷾) for them. The Prophet (ﷺ) said that a person's deeds end at death, except three. They are lasting charity, useful knowledge, and a righteous child who prays for him. He may also give charity for them. A man told the Prophet (ﷺ) that his mother had died suddenly and asked whether charity given for her would bring her the reward. The Prophet (ﷺ) said yes. These are for a parent who died as a believer. For parents who are alive, whatever their faith, a child keeps them company with justice and kindness. He prays that God (﷾) guide them, and shares that guidance with them gently. Abu Huraira asked the Prophet (ﷺ) to pray for his mother's guidance, and she became Muslim. After his parents die, a child can still be kind to the people they loved.
“"And the places of worship are for Allah (alone): So invoke not any one along with Allah;”
Abu Huraira reports that the Prophet (ﷺ) said that when a person dies, his deeds come to an end except three: lasting charity, knowledge that people benefit from, and a righteous child who prays for him.
Aisha reports that a man told the Prophet (ﷺ) that his mother had died suddenly. He thought she would have given charity if she had lived, and he asked whether she would receive the reward if he gave charity for her. The Prophet (ﷺ) said yes.
“"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."”
“We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.”
Abu Huraira reports that he invited his mother, who was not yet Muslim, to Islam, and she refused. He came to the Prophet (ﷺ) in tears and asked him to pray that God guide her. The Prophet (ﷺ) prayed for her guidance. When Abu Huraira reached home, his mother bore witness that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.
Abdullah ibn Umar gave his donkey and his turban to a desert Arab whose father had been a friend of Umar. He explained that he had heard the Prophet (ﷺ) say that among the finest acts of goodness is for a man to keep ties with the people his father loved, after his father has gone.
| Point | The Confucian books | Islam |
|---|---|---|
| Support is not enough | Without reverence, support is no different from what dogs and horses get | Kindness to parents beside the worship of God (﷾), and not a word of contempt |
| When a parent is wrong | A son objects, gently | No obedience in wrongdoing, yet kindness continues |
| After death | Served, buried and sacrificed to by the rites | Prayer and charity for them; worship for God (﷾) alone |
Parents and ancestors who died outside Islam
Many readers have grandparents and ancestors who never heard of Islam. Here the Qur'an is careful. It speaks of those who joined others with God (﷾) in worship, even close family. It says it is not fitting for the Prophet (ﷺ) and the believers to pray for their forgiveness. The verse adds a condition: "after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire". Ibn Kathir reports from Ibn Abbas how the first Muslims kept it. They stopped asking forgiveness for kin who had died joining others with God (﷾). They kept praying for the living. So a Muslim does not ask God's (﷾) forgiveness for a relative who died outside Islam. That is a rule for his own prayers. It is not a verdict on the person. The Qur'an also says that God (﷾) does not visit with His wrath "until We had sent a messenger". It adds that "Allah is never unjust in the least degree". In the Arabic, He wrongs no one by even an atom's weight. No Muslim may declare where any particular person stands with God (﷾). That belongs to God (﷾) alone. The pages "How should we honour our ancestors?" and "What happens to people who never heard of Islam or of Jesus?" give the full answer.
“It is not fitting, for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for Pagans, even though they be of kin, after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire.”
Ibn Kathir reports from Ibn Abbas that the believers used to ask forgiveness for their kin until 9:113 came down. Then they stopped asking forgiveness for their dead who had died joining others with God, but they were not forbidden to pray for the living until they died. He also reports Ibn Abbas saying that a Muslim son should pray for his non-Muslim father's good while the father lives.
“Who receiveth guidance, receiveth it for his own benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own loss: No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another: nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent a messenger (to give warning).”
“Allah is never unjust in the least degree: If there is any good (done), He doubleth it, and giveth from His own presence a great reward.”
Islam's answer: a whole way of life, with parents inside it
Islam is a deen, a complete way of life. Belief, worship, family and character belong together. Honouring parents is one part of that whole, set beside the worship of God (﷾) in a single sentence. In Islam this duty has a clear source and a clear reason. The God (﷾) who made both parent and child commands it (31:14). To Him all return, and He will tell each person the truth of what they did (31:15). The one change at the root is that all worship goes to God (﷾) alone. The Qur'an invites everyone to test it. It calls Muhammad (ﷺ) the Messenger of Allah (﷾) and the Seal of the Prophets, the last of them. Read it, test it, and then ask whether he is the last messenger God (﷾) sent. The page "What is Islam?" shows the whole way of life in one place.
“This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.”
“O ye who believe! Enter into Islam whole-heartedly; and follow not the footsteps of the evil one; for he is to you an avowed enemy.”
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."”
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”
“"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."”
“And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (If there are any) besides Allah, if your (doubts) are true.”
“Muhammad is not the father of any of your men, but (he is) the Messenger of Allah, and the Seal of the Prophets: and Allah has full knowledge of all things.”
Three questions and replies
Qur'an 9:113 — Surat al-Tawba (The Repentance), verse 113
“It is not fitting, for the Prophet and those who believe, that they should pray for forgiveness for Pagans, even though they be of kin, after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire.”
Cited for
So Islam forbids me to pray for my grandparents, and says they are in the Fire.
The response
Islam does ask a Muslim not to seek God's (﷾) forgiveness for someone who died outside Islam (9:113). The first Muslims stopped asking it for kin who had died joining others with God (﷾), and kept praying for the living (Ibn Kathir). For your living parents, a Muslim prays that God (﷾) guide them. The rule is for his own prayers. It is not a verdict on your grandparents. A Muslim acts on what he can see. What reached each person, God (﷾) alone knows. God (﷾) sends no wrath "until We had sent a messenger" (17:15). He is "never unjust in the least degree" (4:40). No Muslim may declare any person's fate. That belongs to God (﷾).
Where it lands — Islam states its rule for prayer openly, and leaves each person's fate to a God who wrongs no one.
Analects 2.5 — Book 2, chapter 5
“That parents, when alive, be served according to propriety; that, when dead, they should be buried according to propriety; and that they should be sacrificed to according to propriety.”
Cited for
Without sacrifice to the dead, there is no real filial piety. You have taken out the heart of it.
The response
Islam does not say that love ends at death. It turns all worship to God (﷾) alone (17:23; 72:18). It gives the child prayer to God (﷾) and charity for a believing parent (Muslim 1631; Bukhari 1388). This is where Islam does not follow the rites.
Where it lands — Islam parts from the rites at sacrifice to the dead, and puts prayer to God (﷾) in its place.
Analects 4.18 — Book 4, chapter 18
“In serving his parents, a son may remonstrate with them, but gently; when he sees that they do not incline to follow his advice, he shows an increased degree of reverence, but does not abandon his purpose; and should they punish him, he does not allow himself to murmur.”
Cited for
Confucius already taught that a child need not obey a parent who is wrong. Islam adds nothing here.
The response
It is true that the Confucian books allow a son to object (Analects 4.18; Hsiao King 15). Islam does not claim the duty is new. The one God (﷾) taught it through His messengers before, as with the Children of Israel (2:83). No one is obeyed in a wrong against God (Bukhari 7257). In Islam the line is set by God's (﷾) command, and parent and child both answer to Him (31:15). Islam names the gravest case, being pressed to join others with God (﷾). There the child refuses, and still keeps his parents company with justice (31:15).
Where it lands — Both traditions let a child object to a wrong. In Islam, God (﷾) sets the line, and parent and child both answer to Him.
Perspectives
Confucian
Filial piety is the root of virtue. It asks reverence and care for parents in life, and a gentle objection when a parent is wrong. After death, it asks burial and sacrifice according to propriety. A child who keeps these honours his parents and his family.
Filial piety is the root of all virtue (Hsiao King 1), and it needs reverence, not support alone (Analects 2.7). A child who is truly filial has already found the way to live.
Rebuttal
Islam agrees that the duty is weighty, and sets it beside the worship of God (17:23). But in that same sentence worship comes first. A child can be faithful to his parents and still give his worship to someone other than his Maker. Islam asks for both, because to God (﷾) is the final goal (31:14), and the return of parent and child alike is to Him (31:15).
Confucian books already teach that a child need not simply obey a wrong parent (Analects 4.18; Hsiao King 15). So Islam's rule at worship is not new.
Rebuttal
Islam does not claim this duty is new. The one God (﷾) taught it through His messengers before Muhammad (ﷺ). He took it as a covenant from the Children of Israel: "Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents" (2:83). Islam agrees that no one is obeyed in a wrong against God (Bukhari 7257). In Islam the line is set by God's (﷾) command, and parent and child both answer to Him (31:15). Islam names the gravest case: being pressed to join others with God (﷾). There the child refuses and still keeps his parents company with justice (31:15; 29:8).
Filial piety includes sacrifice to dead parents according to propriety (Analects 2.5). A child who stops has stopped honouring his parents.
Rebuttal
Confucius did mean this. For living parents of any faith, a Muslim child prays that God (﷾) guide them (Muslim 2491). After death, Islam keeps the child's love in another form: prayer to God (﷾) and charity for a believing parent (Muslim 1631; Bukhari 1388). It gives worship to God (﷾) alone (72:18).
Our rites for the dead are respect and remembrance, not worship. Bowing and offerings honour the ancestors, as flowers at a grave do.
Rebuttal
Islam keeps the remembering and the respect. It looks at what is done, not at the name it is given. Bowing down before someone, making offerings to him and calling on him for help are acts of worship. They belong to God (﷾) alone. The Qur'an says: "my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah" (6:162). It also says, "invoke not any one along with Allah" (72:18). Those called on besides Him "cannot answer your (prayer)" (35:14). The page "How should we honour our ancestors?" shows what a Muslim keeps.
Filial piety means keeping the family's rites for the dead. A child who will not keep them leaves his family.
Rebuttal
Islam does not tell a child to leave his family. He must keep his parents company in this life with justice (31:15). The Prophet (ﷺ) told Asma to keep good relations with her mother, who was not a Muslim (Bukhari 2620). The Qur'an allows kindness and justice to all who do not fight Muslims over faith or drive them from their homes (60:8).
Chinese tradition: filial piety includes the family rites
For many Chinese families, honouring parents does not end at death. Keeping the rites for the dead, with offerings, incense and visits to the graves, is part of being a good son or daughter.
Leaving the family rites would dishonour my parents and my ancestors.
Rebuttal
Islam commands kindness to parents even when they are not Muslim, and keeps company with them in this life with justice. A Muslim honours them every day: by kindness while they live, and afterwards by keeping their ties and their good name. Keeping ties with the people one's father loved is among the finest deeds.
The Islamic perspective
Honouring parents is a command of God (﷾), set beside His worship. A child serves them with reverence and kindness all his life. He does not obey them in a wrong against God (﷾), above all if they press him to join others with God (﷾). Even then he stays kind. He turns all worship to God (﷾), and prays and gives charity for a believing parent. For living parents of any faith, he prays for their guidance. He does not ask forgiveness for those who died outside Islam, and leaves their fate to the God (﷾) who is never unjust.
The Qur'an commands kindness to parents beside the worship of God (﷾). It forbids even a word of contempt, and tells the child to show gratitude to God (﷾) and to his parents.
The Prophet (ﷺ) named the mother three times and then the father as most deserving of good company. He ranked kindness to parents next after prayer at its proper time.
A child must not obey a parent who presses him to join others with God (﷾) in worship. He must still keep them company in this life with justice and consideration, even if they are not Muslim.
All worship goes to God (﷾) alone. Islam offers no sacrifice to parents, and in its place gives prayer to God (﷾) and charity for a parent who died as a believer.
A Muslim does not ask forgiveness for those who died outside Islam. The Qur'an gives the rule with its words "after it is clear to them that they are companions of the Fire" (9:113). It is a rule for prayer, not a verdict on any person. God (﷾) sends no wrath until a messenger has come, and is never unjust. No Muslim declares any person's fate.
Islam is a deen, a complete way of life, with honour to parents inside it. The Qur'an invites everyone to test it, and names Muhammad (ﷺ) the Seal of the Prophets, the last of them.