“Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (Their faults), and ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them”
Sooner or later, most new Muslims meet the “haram police”: Muslims who correct others harshly, often in public, and often over small things or things the scholars differ on. Many of them mean well. But harshness is not the Prophet’s (ﷺ) way, and it is never a reason to leave Islam.
The Prophet’s (ﷺ) way
Mu’awiya ibn al-Hakam had only just become a Muslim when he spoke out loud during the prayer. People glared at him and struck their thighs to make him stop. Afterwards the Prophet (ﷺ) did not scold him, hit him or insult him. He simply explained that talking does not belong in the prayer. Mu’awiya said he had never seen a better teacher.
Another time, a man from the desert began to urinate in the mosque, and the people grabbed him. The Prophet (ﷺ) told them to leave him and pour water over the place. Then he told them they were sent to make things easy, not difficult.
His rule for everyone who teaches was short: make things easy and do not make them hard; give good news and do not drive people away.
When it happens
Stay calm. You do not have to win the argument. The Qur’an says that when the ignorant speak to the servants of the Most Gracious, they answer: “Peace!”
Ask yourself one question: is what they said true? The Prophet (ﷺ) said the religion is sincere advice. If it is true, thank them and change, even if it was said badly.
If you are not sure, ask politely where it comes from, then check with a scholar or an imam you trust. On some questions the schools of Islamic law differ. Do not give up something that is allowed because one person told you off, and do not argue about something you have not checked.
Meet harshness with kindness. A smile, a calm thank you and a promise to look into it usually end the matter.
“Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!”
One step at a time
Nobody learns all of Islam in a day, and nobody expects you to. Aisha explained that the first parts of the Qur’an spoke of Paradise and the Fire. The rules on halal and haram came only after people had faith.
When the Prophet (ﷺ) sent Mu’adh to Yemen, he told him to teach belief in one God (﷾) first, then the five daily prayers, then zakat, the yearly charity. Start with the same basics: your belief, your prayer, and keeping away from the big sins.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said the religion is easy, and anyone who makes it too hard for himself will be overcome by it.
“On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear.”
Keep going
The haram police are not Islam. They are people, and people make mistakes. Allah (﷾) does not look at your face or your wealth, but at your heart and your deeds.
Find kind company: a mosque with a class for new Muslims, and friends who help you grow.
Do not become one
As you learn, you will see others make mistakes too. Remember how it felt. Advise gently, in private, and only about what you are sure of. The Prophet (ﷺ) said not to look for other people’s faults. And he said that Allah (﷾) is gentle and loves gentleness, and gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness.